Make the pain go away.....or take him from me...
written on Saturday, Jan. 31, 2004, @ 11:55 P.M..
I have been sitting here for the past half hour trying to figure out how to start this entry...I have been in such a downspiral with my depression that I don't even know what caused it to beging with...
I know the last couple of entries makes it seem that it is my B/F causing me to feel like this...yeah it may be...but I have been this way for quite a few weeks...
Of course it doesn't help that I have caught him in a couple lies here and there...But for the latest on him....he also has been getting emailed from yahoo personals about women in his area...
I know I am not the best thing out there...and if he really cares for me like he is claiming...then he will come clean right??? Well dont get your hopes up...I had a bit of a talk with him today... here is what the jist of it was....
He asked me if I was still mad at him...I told him that I was...He said he was sorry for anything he did or didn't do...(Now....would an innocent man say that??)
He told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me...I just told him that we have been together for 3yrs....and he is still married to her....I told him that I love him but I can't be doing this on my own...He told me he was sorry if he hurt me but that wasn't his intentions....But I just told him that if this is something he wants then he has to show me...I told him that it takes more then words to prove it to me...
I know there was more said but that was more or less what happened....And still he said nothing of him sending the pics to that other email address or anything...
He knows that I will catch him...the funny thing about all this....it's kind of fun watching him squirm(sp?)...I have to get alittle pleasure out of the pain he is causing me....I am thinking of trying to give him some idea that I know about the other email address....
I am going to ask him to show me he deleted it....I don't know....I guess we'll see...
Well I am hoping too have a good day tomorrow....i'll let you know if I do...
TTYL